Somehow, even though the dress was available to be sold to anyone who would buy it, I had accepted, subconsciously, that I couldn’t have something that wonderful. That’s the best comparison to how I feel now.
I spent a few hours scouring the Internet for articles confirming to me that it was OK to finish with these perfectly nice men. Instead there were a large number saying to stick it out, give him a chance, because one day you’ll be middle-aged and single and regret it. I was disappointed. I decided to write one of the articles that I would have liked to read.
In a reversal from my last review, of a book with an autistic main character by a neurotypical author, I am now reviewing a book by an autistic author with a main character who is not identified as autistic or neurotypical. This is the 2020 novel, Exciting Times, by Naoise Dolan.
No, this is not about lockdown. It’s about online dating.
Short review: I did not dislike it. I was pleasantly surprised.
And yet, as someone with a collection of hobbies and a collection of special interests, I believe they are still different things. A hobby feels good, but a special interest feels electric.
We all experience the routine of choosing particular words for particular people as part of moving through the world. But there are situations where your focus narrows just as if your conversation was a pivotal scene in a novel. When you are autistic (a lot of the time) and when you are trying to attract someone important, and especially when you are trying to do both.
When British Vogue asked Emma Watson about her relationship status ahead of her upcoming 30th birthday, she described herself as “self-partnered”. But she wasn’t just looking for a novel way to say “single”.
First things first: This blog is not just about me. This blog is about being autistic, and how that interacts with experiences of love, romance, sex, relationships, sexuality, gender and many other things in those fields that we are yet to uncover. It is my hope that this blog will host stories from many people,Continue reading “Why I started this blog”
Love (when you’re) Autistic: Love, as experienced when you are autistic. Our definition of ‘love’ here is very very broad – we do want to talk about love, but also about sex, and sexuality, and gender, and friendship and self-care and a lot of things under that umbrella. But the blog’s inspiration came from the special mystery that is finding love, so “love” is the title.